Plain. Honest. Simple.

I got Kiki La Screw’d and I liked It – Boot Camp Day 3

Clockwise from top left, some of my favorite girls: Mourning After Kill (MAK), Kiki La Screw, Me, Lem E. Atom. ♥

Wow. Hmm. Where to start? Some surprises. Turns out being a Bettie Nugget is more challenging than I thought – and probably not how you’re thinking. It was never lost on me that this would be one of the biggest physical endeavors I’ve taken on. That was crystal clear from the start. 

I’m hard on myself. Yes. But also agonizingly realistic about my ability. I’ve had a life of being overly humbled by this body. But, and probably because of this, I’ve also had a life of steely determination. Because of my physical challenges, I’ve had to be more unwavering than most people I know in order to accomplish the things I’ve wanted to accomplish.
However, every time I get on the rink, it’s difficult for me to begin skating. Believe it or not, I’ve actually achieved a fair level of balance and strength. But, the adrenaline from the fear of stepping onto the track gets my legs so shaky, it makes skating hard. The fear never leaves between practices, but on the day of training it starts building until my stomach is in knots. What am I afraid of? Pain and falling – even though I’m actually starting to get used to those constant companions. And I have my mantras, my favorite one right now being, “Pain is just fear leaving the body.” So hopefully the adrenaline surges will taper off.
But here’s the best thing about last night. And I guess I’ll be honest, because what’s the point of writing a blog and not being completely transparent. (My other mantra, “I’ve got nothing to hide.”)
At one point last night, after already traversing through a line-up of difficult skill-building activities (up/downs, slalom course runs, skipping on skates), we were supposed to start learning our cross-over technique (otherwise known as a grapevine). This is where you move across the rink by side-stepping, crossing one foot completely over the other. Not only were my legs tired, everything in me said I was going to break my leg if I tried this so I swore some obscenity under my breath. All-the-while most of the other girls pranced across the track. One of my favorite Betties, Kiki La Screw, must have heard me because when I looked up she was in front of me with her hands held out. She looked me straight in the eye, told me I was amazing and doing great.
     “Take my hands. Keep your eyes on mine and don’t look at your skates,” she instructed. “I’m here and you can do this.” I took a deep breath and tears started pouring out of my eyes. I was exhausted and moved that she’d even give a shit. Like a mama and her toddler, she walked me across the rink and back, encouraging me the entire time.
That probably makes me sound weak and I’m sure it sounds corny. But, when you’re that tired and someone is kind to you, it can feel profound. About halfway through we were joined by another one of my favorites, Lem E. Atom. Together Kiki and Lem gave me the confidence I needed to get through the rest of the night. I felt like they knew my dark moment would come before I did and they already had a plan in place to catch me when it did.
I guess that’s what good coaching is all about. Being a part of team runs much deeper than one’s individual skill level. I don’t understand this, but I keep crying today. And I’m left with a deep sense of gratitude.

9 responses

  1. We just wanted to say, that the determination you are showing is AMAZING!
    Also, on game day you and your whole family did everything they could to help all of us set up!!! (Can’t believe how strong your husband is..!!!)
    Anyway, keep up the good work…the ‘Stitches Bitches’ love you!!!

    November 17, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    • stacylouise

      Thx Roxie & Deuce ❤ ❤ ❤ That is so sweet of you to say. Damn. 🙂

      November 17, 2010 at 7:40 pm

  2. Stacy, you rock. LOL @ “other girls pranced across the track” I sure didn’t feel like I was doing anything similar to prancing. As you know, I can relate to the anxiety you go through each day of practice (and in between). I have to admit that I got all choked up reading your description of the support you felt from the Betties. I’m so glad that you keep coming back for more!

    November 17, 2010 at 10:47 pm

    • stacylouise

      p.s. u totally pranced.

      November 18, 2010 at 9:21 am

  3. Kiki La Screw

    2 things:

    1 – I am not nice…just in case any of the nuggets are thinking I am nice, I am not. I just don’t want anyone getting the wrong impression of me 🙂

    2 – Being a Bettie takes patience, skill, grace, determination and the support of great teammates. We are nothing without each other!

    Stacy, you are doing great – you have the patience, determination and the camaraderie, we will help you get the skill and grace part! There is no one nugget that is the best or worst, each of you women have strengths and weaknesses (as do the Betties) and that is where the team work is so important. The fact that you all keep coming out every practice determined to improve is your measure of success! Keep rocking the track ladies!

    November 18, 2010 at 10:24 am

  4. Lem E. Atom

    2 things:

    1. – Kiki is nice (but don’t tell her I told you), that’s why she’s my wife. Or at least one of the reasons, I also like her boobs.

    2. – What Kiki said.

    I was all elbows and legs when I started, I can’t tell you how many people I tripped and elbowed in the stomach. As my adoring wife put it I pretty much looked like a baby giraffe on skates. Our weaknesses and strengths fit together like puzzle pieces when we’re working together as a team. And going with what Roxie said, we LOVE you and your family! The commitment it takes to be a Bettie is pretty big and having a supportive family like you do is huge. They’re going to be a big part of the reason you keep getting better.

    November 18, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    • stacylouise

      2 things:
      1. – Kiki ate my child after practice (she is *not* nice). And I have to admit, I did notice the stellar boobs. What do you think my eyes were using as a focal point as she walked me across the track?
      2. – I’ll try to get over the incident with my child (but will continue to love her in a kind of masochistic way); I’ve always adoooooored baby giraffes – remember the crooked neck girl at the zoo? (Like how my use of a semicolon kept it at 2 things???.)

      November 18, 2010 at 2:13 pm

      • Lem

        Good lord Kiki, I told you stop eating people’s kids!

        November 18, 2010 at 4:22 pm

  5. Pingback: Good Coach, Bad Coach & Beginning of Derby Life Phase II « Rookie Roller Girl

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